I faked an abortion last night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
