I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
