hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize