now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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