oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
