Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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