it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
