32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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