why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
