i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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