did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He? As in you personified your dick?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
