and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
