Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
