If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize