nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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