the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
