Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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