he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
