I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
