Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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