end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
