Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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