At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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