the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
