I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
