Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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