So drunk its hurt
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
