I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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