remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
