if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
