"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
