Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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