I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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