I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
