Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
