You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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