What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
