she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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