I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
