Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dignity is for republicans.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
