yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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