Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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