Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize