You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize