I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
