I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
