It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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