Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
