Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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