do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
