there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
