chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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