they need to just BURY HIM!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
