She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
