Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
