I want you more than these girls want KFC
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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