I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
