Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
