I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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