What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
