lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
