i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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