I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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