You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
