ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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