So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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