we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
