Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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