I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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