Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize