I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
