DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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