But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
